Restless ’til I

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Restless ‘til I Rest

Last week, I began another semester at the College of Charleston. I was elated to be back in Chucktown and reconnect with my darling friends and peers, but stressed nonetheless. I was jet lagged, exhausted, and excited. I also refused to admit defeat. I refused to acknowledge my anxiety. I do not know why we millennials find ourselves denying our mental and emotional states until we are completely broken down by stress. I do not want to participate in that cultural habit and I hope to asses my circumstances whenever they might be out of sorts.

Each semester of my college career feels as if I am starting a temporary job. You have one week to get comfortable with your surroundings, nail down the perfect academic schedule, and maintain mental agility for new schoolwork. I found myself constantly checking my email for academic updates, sprinting to Barnes & Noble on multiple occasions, and organizing my social life in the most frazzled state. I kept telling myself it would feel normal soon enough, upon finding a routine. I settle in a routine, that looks different every few months of my life. The whole process is unnatural. College is like that, you have a consistently abnormal schedule for 4 (or more) years.

Do you know how I felt? Restless. Utterly restless. I was crawling about campus, running on limited hours of sleep and attempting to perfect every inch of my life. It is impossible to perfectly arrange the details of one’s current schedule. Yes, I sort of managed an amazing schedule with a four day weekend every weekend, but I do know that surprises will stir up my days. As I found myself in a quiet moment, spotify found Restless by Audrey Assad, and I quickly realized my personal setback.

And I’m restless, I’m restless

‘Til I rest in You, ’til I rest in You

I am restless, I’m restless

‘Til I rest in You, ’til I rest in You

Oh God, I wanna rest in You

Sometimes my outrageous attempts to be positively combating life simply leads to tears. I began every morning prepared to conquer the day, with an exceptionally enthusiastic attitude and yet I still found myself overwhelmed. I was bubbling with anxiety. Is it so bad to say, “I am effing anxious and every bit of this week sucks?” Why couldn’t I admit it? Was it that all my peers are faking it? They are all so calm. Eerily calm.

Transitions take time. Acknowledging when we need a hot second to rest is crucial to feeling like ourselves and being the best little human we are capable of living as. I am not striving for perfection, and I do not suggest you try that. I would much rather admit to feeling anxious. Then follow the acceptance of my feelings with a hot bath, good book and solid quiet time. We have got to rest, my friends, if we want to understand anything about our surroundings, circumstances and current reality. Resting should be a priority.

I am peeking at my accounting homework now, with a little smile. I can do it. Last week, there was no chance of me understanding content, and now I am ready. We need time, most frequently, in order to get it.

I know that the Lord has called me to so much more than an anxious, academic-fearing heart. I am very excited for this season of my life; the lessons that I will learn, the love I will get to share and adventures that await. Don’t let your restless heart get in the way of life.

Need some rest inspiration? I’ve got your back.

  • Hot tea (opt for herbal)
  • Exercise
  • Hydration
  • A healthy diet 
  • Chill on the sugar, it messes everything up
  • Quiet time
  • To Do Lists (let your brain breathe)
  • Reading  
  • Taking the time for a nap
  • Candles- just don’t fall asleep
  • A hot bath, also don’t fall asleep
  • Navigate a schedule that permits a full night’s sleep
  • Jesus? He is the best, but whatever floats your boat babe!

None of this is helping? No worries, I will redirect you to a brilliantly inspiring article. I know I am not full of all the wisdom in the world, but Goop seemingly has it together (Thanks Gwyneth!)  

Listening to:

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Photographed by the talented Ruut DeMeo, RMD Portraits | | Hampden, Baltimore, Maryland 

Wearing: Adidas graphic sweatshirt, Vintage Men’s Shirt (worn as jacket), Frame Denim Le Skinny de Jeanne Britton, Joie Barlow booties 

Seeking Serendipity

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ser-en-dip-i-ty |ˌserənˈdipitē|

noun

the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way: a fortunate stroke of serendipity | a series of small serendipities.

 

I have spent a lifetime of holidays in Charleston, with the exception of a few in Maine and Budapest. That being said, Baltimore for Christmas has never come into the light as a possibility  for my mother or myself. Until this year. We switched up our routine, and ventured to our “home” of Baltimore for Christmas.

Christmas has been frankly surreal. I have found myself nostalgic, as I reminisce of my Charleston traditions and yet incredibly content with my Christmas joy. Without having any holiday experience in Baltimore, I found I had no expectations for this Christmas. Christmas 2015 was reinvented by spontaneous activities and a series of unusual events.

I was having a brief holiday catch-up call with one of my best friends when I realized something. It is good to switch it up. For most, holidays are consistently the same. The same people, places and ordeals. I feel that mixing up this tradition is healthy. It is helpful for my mother and myself as I continue to grow into routines of adulthood and she adventures. We can change our plans, like my little family did, but also plans can change on us. Future holidays may be unpredictable. Adapting to these changes while maintaining a good attitude is crucial to keeping up with a positive outlook on life.

There have been spontaneous movies, adventures, drinks and coffee dates. Time spent in my house in Baltimore. Cuddles with my stinky pugs. Lounging with my sweet mom. I’ve been gazing at Baltimore with fresh eyes, attempting to seek out the cool, new and quirky. I have enjoyed holiday traditions with a different set of loved ones and a Baltimore holiday spirit that I’ve yet to participate in the past. It is primarily the people that make this Christmas particularly enchanting, as it should be. The traditions of my past Christmas’ in Charleston could make me sad. They could make me miss people, food and places. Traditions. Dressing up. Endless parties. But what good is focusing on that, when I have all this joy sitting in front of me? Mika my faux baby sister is curled up on the couch, worn out from her wild pursuit of constant adventures. I spent nearly all of my Christmas eve, on the couch. Curled up with my mom, Mika or Lulu and happy as a clam. Sweet moments and new traditions add a bit of sparkle to my memories.

I would not label this Christmas in Baltimore as either “good,” or “bad.” It is honestly neither as it is the first of its kind. I am happy to feel submerged in love. My abs have been sore from laughing  and eyes watery from hours of movies. Christmas in its entirety was peaceful.  Discovering serendipity this week was undoubtedly realizing that putting myself in situations where I must adapt to my current surroundings are benefiting me far more in the long run, even as I soak in the bliss of this holiday adventure.

Xo, Hannah
Happy Holidays!

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Photographed by: Ruut DeMeo, RMD Portraits  | | Hampden, Baltimore, MD

Wearing: Vintage Sweater found at Hunting Ground (Similar here, here & here) H&M scarf (Similar here & here), FRAME Denim Le Skinny de Jeanne Britton, Matt Bernson Tundra boots & Linea Pelle purse (several seasons ago, but it has held up well!) 

Sparkle

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Sparkle.

Last Monday, I was off to an anxious, stressed and emotional start to finals week.

I wandered to a local coffee shop to flip through emails, complete a paper and hopefully relax a bit. After my brief encounter with my almond chai, I hustled home in full stride with music blasting in my earphones. I paused before I entered my home. I have a new neighbor. A new shop by my house. A sweet boutique. A stellar owner. Her face is warm, hugs inviting and smile authentic. Fine, I will walk inside for a hug. I bee lined for her arms, avoiding eye contact entirely. I nestled into the perfect hug, and my glasses quickly steamed by my hot tears. “Is everything okay?” Caroline asked. “I am stressed. Anxious. Emotional.”  Caroline quickly ushered me to a comfortable seat and handed me a candy cane. Armed with motherly solace, she is equipped for anything.

Before we began conversing to discuss my emotional state, she said, “I just want you to know how loved you are.” Caroline met my mother this past weekend, and they adored each other. “I saw the way your mother looked at you Hannah, she loves you unconditionally. You are so loved.” I accepted her sweet words of encouragement but trembled as I recalled school’s harsh reality, “I am genuinely fearful of failing an exam.” I sniffled, holding back tears in fear of damaging a fresh coat of make up. Caroline’s words were perfect. Her comfort continued as she repeatedly told me, “You are more than a grade.”

Why is it that love is reassuring? The power of love never ceases to astound me. As she comforted me, I glanced at my tattoo, mom’s words whispering, “I love you,” in the midst of my anger with temporal frustrations. “Hannah, you are more than a grade,” Caroline did not stop with her encouragement. She continued to build me back up, “You sparkle Hannah. We all know it. We see you and you sparkle.” I do not know if I smiled, teared up or just shut my eyes in acceptance of this genuine love. At some point in the conversation I just laid my head on Caroline’s lap, like a dog begging for a head rub. Caroline carefully patted my back, her kind words flowing, and love filled my heart to the brim. The support of her words and touch, enabled me to forget the possibility of failure.

Throughout the morning, previous to my encounter with Caroline, I prayed for the Lord’s comfort. I asked for peace for the week, but begged him for temporary relief of my anxiety. I have experienced several recent doses of love directly from God. However, I find great comfort in the arms of those around me. Physical touch is crucial to my emotional health. Odd, but it is me. I need hugs, snuggles and head pats. Instead of God soothing me in alone time, He did what He had to get me into the arms of His love. Letting Caroline be a vessel of His compassion, was incredibly kind of Him. I joyfully accepted the love I received. The tangible relief of falling into a hug. Caroline’s motherly love and empathy. The sweet reminder of listening to words I know to be true but struggle to believe during a time like finals. Finals hurt my heart. Finals challenge not only my learning disabilities, as well as my anxiety and emotions.

“You Sparkle,” my heart instantly melted. It was affirming, yet again, that something might be seen in me than more than the identity of being a student. I am in fact more than a grade, I am more than my GPA, and I am more than a student. I am much more than a student and I hope to known for that. I hope to be known for hugs, love and laughter. I hope to known for being my true self and settling for nothing less. Including, restraining from the self-deprecating thought process whilst enduring a difficult course. It was a joy to hear that I might sparkle to someone around me, I am undeserving of such a compliment but whoah did it tickle my heart. Authenticity. Transparency. Human’s like it. It is relatable.

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Sleeveless turtlenecks can be paired with a short or long sleeved tee. Long sleeves create the illusion of a full sweater, while short sleeves allow the turtleneck to hold attention.

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Grandmother’s pug featured in le blog post. Pugs are the best accessories. I love a good prop, especially a silly one.

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Mastering the art of the turtleneck tuck. Slip into your turtleneck, leave your hair inside the sweater and slowly pull front pieces to frame your face.
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Momma’s words always with me. Xo. P.S Did you hear that naked nails are trending this winter? Giving my nails a break from gel, but missing polish.
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Golden hour and natural curls. Only a few products to tame the mane but tough to beat with the current humidity in Charleston!

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Miss new bootie. All about my new thigh highs! Winter must have.

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Photographed by Davy Kesey | | Charleston, SC

Wearing: Madewell turtleneck, Piko Tee w/ lace trim (similar), J Brand coated jeans (last season but similar here ) Stuart Weitzman Lowland Boot in black suede found at Charleston’s Bob Ellis, similar boots here, here and here.

Chew on Choice

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So let’s say I could tell you to pick the next three years of your life. The first option is all excitement. It is entirely fun and good. However, you remain the same. The second option, is unexpected. Filled with plenty of joy as well as challenges. Some of the trials may be far from ideal. You leave those three years of ups, downs and in betweens, a different person. You grow. What would you choose?

My life is extraordinary. I attribute that to the assortment of blessings, adventures and relationships that surround me. I also am aware that the road I travel largely shapes my character. The past few years have been thrilling, and having recently lived in New York City for the summer, I was heavily doused in an assortment of stimulation. Upon returning to Charleston I experienced major culture shock. It took nearly a month before I felt even slightly grounded in the present. Along with coming to terms with the lifestyle of Charleston, real life repeatedly slapped me in the face. I felt like I could not keep up with it. Every inch of me wanted to crawl in a hole and give up. I desperately wanted an out from my feelings and my circumstances. Oddly enough I had expected this season of my life to be a challenge, however I did not believe I was at all equipped to handle life the way it hit me these past few months.

I am choosing a challenging road by finishing school. Call me crazy, but I actually believe by completing my degree I am following God’s plan for my life. I know that by this decision, I am choosing His plan for my life, and not Hannah’s utopia. I am completely aware that school is hard as hell for me. I am one of those problem students that needs a significant amount of attention. Those students exist in college, for sure. I want to be a good student, but I do not strive for perfection in the classroom because that is not my reality. It is not my strength and that is okay. It is okay because I am not giving up. It is okay because I am not allowing school to butcher my self-esteem. It is okay because I am refusing to allow anxiety to ruin this. I am intentionally keeping myself in an environment where I do not thrive. Yes, maybe, if I was crazy enough I could transfer (for the 3rd time) to an institution where I could study what might apply to my future career. That is not happening, I am staying at the College of Charleston and utilizing this opportunity for growth. I have the rest of my life to aspire to more, to follow my dreams and feel good at what “I do,” but for now, God is teaching me what it is like to be doing something that does not make me feel good, which is being a student.

I could not have asked for this semester to have turned out in any other manner than which it did. I have grown exponentially throughout this season of my life. I am blessed beyond measure to have the opportunity to keep learning who I am, and how God has created me. I love a good challenge, I really do. The challenges have been more than I thought I was equipped for and I could explain several situations as genuine pain throughout these past few months. Pain makes you grow. Challenge makes you grow. Excitement leads to joy. It does not mean I am a sad sack of tears. Quite the contrary, I have been overwhelmed with love and joy. God has spoke to me in the sweetest of ways, with the simplest of words. God acknowledging His plan for my life, is a dream come true. I could not ask for more right now.


I encourage you to take the road that leads to growth. The road that will make you a different, stronger, and braver human.

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Photographed by Abby Tierney | | Charleston, SC  

Wearing: Mango jacket (last season, similar HERE), Madewell tee (ON SALE), Madewell Perfect Fall Jean (ON SALE), Superga Cotu Classic & Meli Melo Clemence bagBeckett Boutique (Check out their insta !!) 

Follow the journey on snapchat @hannyebr & insta @therealhannybee Xo

How to Grow Up

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How to Grow Up

“Andie Anderson, How to Girl!” If that did not pop into your head when you read the title, you my friend, have yet to live. For you sweet under-educated darlings, that is a quote from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. It is a classic. I attribute the film with many good memories, which really only makes the film better in my eyes. For one, it makes me think of one of my best friends, Mika.

As you may know, I am interning in New York City for the summer. Living here has completely changed my routine, and I am one hundred percent not lying when I say, “I’m busy”. In pursuit of a peaceful escape, this past weekend I ventured to Maine. Working and attempting to thrive in the city can be exhausting and I am SO thankful to have Maine. I have had Maine my entire life, and never appreciated it like I have this summer. Waking up to the waves crashing and a soft sea breeze is overwhelmingly calming. My first weekend in Maine this summer, I spent an entire day in my pajamas. I had several cups of tea, a book, and family. I sat on the patio, gazing at the ocean in a way that I never have before. So much comfort lied in the ocean’s R E A L depth. Gods creation should never be taken for granted, and I am glad I am able to truly soak in the beauty of his handiwork. I cannot place why it is instinctively relaxing to exist in His natural creation. Stepping away from the responsibilities of adulthood- temporary adulthood at least- and emerging into bliss has been nothing but fulfilling. It is not just taking a Friday off to not work; it is taking the time to remember the reality of being an adult. Being an adult is spending time with yourself. It is understanding how YOU, as an individual are going to come into the real world. I am understanding, that a full time job, is very difficult to manage. It is hard to manage other aspects of my life that I equally enjoy. It is helping me to figure out how I can create a healthy, creative and prosperous life for my sensitive soul.

I had a hiccup with my drive into adulthood this past weekend in Maine. Usually at this time of the year, I am in Maine with Mika. My crazy little best friend. This year, along with several other shakes of adulthood, she was and is not going to be in Maine. We usually have an entire long, luxurious, and stupidly lazy week to ourselves. We get to tan, eat food, watch movies, go on adventures and then watch another movie. Not having this youthful fun was difficult to ignore how it made me feel like even more of an adult. It is more difficult because she has spent the summer in Finland, with people whom I dearly love.

A cluster of my favorite people were in Helsinki, Finland this July and not being there was a challenge. It was a challenge because I flipping love Helsinki. I love the city, the culture, and most importantly the people. I love my friends, the church and the youth ministry. When I realized that working this summer meant I would not be able to join my friends, I tried to be as grownup as possible. I would say, apart from some meltdowns, I have done a good job. Going back to the meltdowns is the more difficult of the FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) that I experienced these past few weeks. I was comforted by knowing that I was supposed to stay in the city and not make the trip over there THIS summer. I can make several lists with an assorted category of reasons why I wanted to be there, but you just need to know, that I really wanted to be. I do not know why, but I know that God did not need me there, He needed me here.

He needed me here to experience undeserving love and blessings. This summer has been extraordinary and wildly unexpected in every aspect. I knew I was landing myself a full time internship but I did not know how that would send me into a tailspin of future oriented thoughts and discussions. I knew I was capable of making friends but had no idea I was going to be blessed with endless love and fellowship. I knew I loved to laugh but did not expect for laughter to follow me into the workplace, throughout my commute and intertwined in all of my friendships. I am okay with occasionally not going on a trip if it means letting God do the unexpected. Following His lead, permits His work to be done separate from my own agenda.

I’ve weaved through Maine, New York City and Finland, but it all leads to one thing. I am growing up. I am forced to leave behind traditions and trips that I have grown up with and even recently added to my life. I am also confronted with adjusting to new environments, jobs and people- constantly. I am letting go of the safety of young comforts. I am challenged to strengthen my faith. I am confident I will be in Maine again, being lazy with my loved ones and watching movies like How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. I know that just because I am growing up, does not restrict me to any particular lifestyle. I am young, and blessed with time to create a lifestyle that suits Hannah Rice. I really did not tell you how to grow up, I really just told you how I am imperfectly surviving and still striving for a joyful life. Growing up is a twisted fate we are all faced to endure. I refuse to grow up in any traditional way, and follow a norm that does not agree with the desires of my heart. Grow up at your pace; leaving room for your heart, mishaps and faith to be sorted out with the timing they deserve.

Thank you for your support, texts and kind words. I am finishing up this summer strong and I am being equipped with masterfully curated joy. Thank you, if you have loved me this summer, because it has not gone unnoticed.

Xoxo H

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Pictures by Davy Kesey | Photographed in Cape Neddick, Maine

Wearing: Flannel (Moms Vermont thrift store find), Madewell Tee: sold out (other colors, similar & similar), Frame Denim jeans & Soludos x Jason Polan

Hair: Color by Ronnie at Swish, Products: B&B Surf Spray, Grooming Creme

21 Reasons I am Smiling Today

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In honor of my 21st birthday, I have 21 reasons why I am SMILING today!

  1. I woke up in Maine
  2. It is the prettiest day ever in Maine
  3. I have the best internship
  4. At said internship I am exposed to incredible designers and madly motivated working creatives
  5. Where I have made the best friends. hint hint… Natalie of Chick Matter
  6. I have an incredibly thoughtful mother who is on her way home from yoga with an iced almond chai and a gluten free scone
  7. Getting a new camera for my 21st and I am SO excited to integrate that in the blog
  8. Speaking of blogging, I promise I am going to be cranking out posts for the rest of the summer
  9. GET EXCITED for the future of Hanny Bee… I am PUMPED and you will be too in like a weekish
  10. Ah New York. I have a big bedroom where I can be really messy. Do you want to see my place?
  11. I have found a home at an amazing church in the city. Isn’t that nice? Thank you, Hillsong
  12. “Yas” has a whole new meaning -> W A T C H this
  13. and more YAS
  14. Did I mention I turned 21?!?! It is pretty exciting.
  15. Summer stripes
  16. Summer flowers
  17. Soludos
  18. Uhm HAPPY 4th!!! I do not know what to wear, but that is okay because I have lots of stripes on hand! duh. P.S. Keep scrolling for some 4th inspo
  19. The PUGS are in Maine finally!! Love them.
  20. The ocean is calling my name. Calling, not yelling. So I am going to rest poolside and listen to the waves crashing #ballin
  21. I am so blessed, and so thankful. THANK YOU for the birthday wishes. I am so undeservingly loved! Love you all. xo

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“Welcome to my house party” ^

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Photographed at Folly Beach, South Carolina | | by Current Visuals

Wearing: Roberta Roller Rabbit- Isola Dress, Soludos Woven Sandal / / Shoes on King, Annabel Ingall- Georgia Small Bucket Drawstring / / Neely by VNB

Follow the summer journey on my instagram MUAH muah Xo

Some weekend inspo below: HAPPY 4th!!

Cred Tuckernuck Pinterest
Cred Tuckernuck Pinterest
cred: IG @amy_stone
cred: IG @amy_stone
cred: IG @bitsofbliss
cred: IG @bitsofbliss
cred: IG @yeswayrose
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cred: Tuckernuck Pinterest
cred: Style Me Pretty
cred: Style Me Pretty