So let’s say I could tell you to pick the next three years of your life. The first option is all excitement. It is entirely fun and good. However, you remain the same. The second option, is unexpected. Filled with plenty of joy as well as challenges. Some of the trials may be far from ideal. You leave those three years of ups, downs and in betweens, a different person. You grow. What would you choose?
My life is extraordinary. I attribute that to the assortment of blessings, adventures and relationships that surround me. I also am aware that the road I travel largely shapes my character. The past few years have been thrilling, and having recently lived in New York City for the summer, I was heavily doused in an assortment of stimulation. Upon returning to Charleston I experienced major culture shock. It took nearly a month before I felt even slightly grounded in the present. Along with coming to terms with the lifestyle of Charleston, real life repeatedly slapped me in the face. I felt like I could not keep up with it. Every inch of me wanted to crawl in a hole and give up. I desperately wanted an out from my feelings and my circumstances. Oddly enough I had expected this season of my life to be a challenge, however I did not believe I was at all equipped to handle life the way it hit me these past few months.
I am choosing a challenging road by finishing school. Call me crazy, but I actually believe by completing my degree I am following God’s plan for my life. I know that by this decision, I am choosing His plan for my life, and not Hannah’s utopia. I am completely aware that school is hard as hell for me. I am one of those problem students that needs a significant amount of attention. Those students exist in college, for sure. I want to be a good student, but I do not strive for perfection in the classroom because that is not my reality. It is not my strength and that is okay. It is okay because I am not giving up. It is okay because I am not allowing school to butcher my self-esteem. It is okay because I am refusing to allow anxiety to ruin this. I am intentionally keeping myself in an environment where I do not thrive. Yes, maybe, if I was crazy enough I could transfer (for the 3rd time) to an institution where I could study what might apply to my future career. That is not happening, I am staying at the College of Charleston and utilizing this opportunity for growth. I have the rest of my life to aspire to more, to follow my dreams and feel good at what “I do,” but for now, God is teaching me what it is like to be doing something that does not make me feel good, which is being a student.
I could not have asked for this semester to have turned out in any other manner than which it did. I have grown exponentially throughout this season of my life. I am blessed beyond measure to have the opportunity to keep learning who I am, and how God has created me. I love a good challenge, I really do. The challenges have been more than I thought I was equipped for and I could explain several situations as genuine pain throughout these past few months. Pain makes you grow. Challenge makes you grow. Excitement leads to joy. It does not mean I am a sad sack of tears. Quite the contrary, I have been overwhelmed with love and joy. God has spoke to me in the sweetest of ways, with the simplest of words. God acknowledging His plan for my life, is a dream come true. I could not ask for more right now.
Photographed by Abby Tierney | | Charleston, SC
Wearing: Mango jacket (last season, similar HERE), Madewell tee (ON SALE), Madewell Perfect Fall Jean (ON SALE), Superga Cotu Classic & Meli Melo Clemence bag ℅ Beckett Boutique (Check out their insta !!)
Follow the journey on snapchat @hannyebr & insta @therealhannybee Xo