For the entirety of May, I did not feel like myself. I was drained; mentally from this academic semester and then somehow emotionally (my own doing I guess…) This left me doing life on my own. Not relying on God, and turning to anything but him for assistance in my own confusion. After completing another semester of school and landing an awesome internship in New York City one would think I would be on top of the moon. Far from it. I had high expectations for May. I pictured a fun Maymester course, lots of beach time and chilling with friends. Instead I was exhausted, tearful and uninspired.
I intended to bust out summer posts. I mentally prepared posts filled with easygoing snippets of my life and breezy summer ensembles. That clearly did not happen. After accepting an internship in New York, I was bombarded by feedback from friends and family. Unexpectedly, I felt extremely discouraged by most responses. I got a lot of sarcastic, “good luck in the big city,” and “wow it is hard to make it there.” I was baffled, because that was not what I wanted to hear. The “congrats!” I did receive slid by and went unnoticed as the discouraging comments seeped into my tender heart. I felt stuck. Suddenly I felt emotionally glued to Charleston, unable to envision a summer in the city. I did not want to embrace the possibility of a good summer, and I wanted to stay in the safe sands of Folly beach. I was overwhelmed with the potential of failure and loneliness.
After successfully allowing the world to tarnish my view of the months to come, I not-so-shockingly broke down to let the Lord back in. Mind you this was like a week and a half ago. I had yet to find a place to live or find a smidge of excitement for the summer. After letting go of my tight grip on my future, within 24 hours I had a place to live. Fast forward like 3 days to arriving in New York. I still felt so far from myself, so unsure of my faith and my identity. Who the hell is this Hannah? Why would I feel that a place would change my identity and especially my faith? How could I possibly allow the enemy to beat down my heart to nothing? I knew that turning to Christ to fill, fuel and rejuvenate me would be the only route to rid myself of a meek mindset.
So, how was I hopeful? How did I stay faithful to Christ? I set my hope in His provision. I set my intentions on joy. After finishing my first week in New York I could not feel any more joyful than I do now. I feel present. I feel rooted. I feel capable. Goodness two weeks ago I was so far from finding joy and strength in Him, and now His peace is radiating throughout my heart. I am overjoyed to have overcome an unexpected trial but I am so pleased with the outcome. It feels great to be me again, overflowing with giggles and inspired by stripes.
Even When It Hurts (Praise Song)- Hillsong United
Captain- Hillsong United
Provider- Urban Rescue
P.S. I have no idea how blogging is going to go this summer… stay tuned for the adventure!
Turkish towels are the perfect addition to your beach wardrobe. Great for being silly and what not, but really easy when you want to pack light. Super trendy and extremely practical. I have realized that nice beach towels can get quite pricey, who knew?
doubles as a face mask.
Pictures by Current Visuals | Folly Beach, South Carolina
Wearing: Sabo Skirt Turtleneck (out of stock), KanCan Shorts (last season)
Turkish towel (similar)