Some may be gleefully unaware, or others, painfully exposed- to the fact that I have suffered from anxiety from a young age. It comes in phases of affecting my daily life, but I refuse to be medicated- with the exception of doctors appointments. I am simply terrified of the dentist (could be from that one time when I was a toddler and they put me in a straight jacket, but hey who knows!) So onward with this strange phobia, I have to be heavily medicated in order to remain as calm as possible. The night before and an hour before my appointment I take prescribed medication that we can call “my chill pill.” Somehow I do manage to force myself into the office and plop into the terrifying seat of pain and horror. My sweet as ever dentist, got down to business as soon as I sat down. The drugging continued with Nitrate (laughing gas) and it streams through my body throughout whatever ordeal must occur. On this lovely day, I had numerous fillings that needed to be handled. (it is hereditary, I brush my teeth obviously)
The pain was manageable but the panic is difficult to suffocate. Usually from as soon as I sit down at the dentist, I start crying. Sort of sad, steady streams of tears that are controlled by medication (or I would be hyperventilating.) Every few minutes I would tap and press on pressure points to ease my racing heart. As I sat in this terrifying seat, the drills were echoing in my head and I had to escape. How can one do this? Think of something good.
I may have actually shed a happy tear as I thought of something good. I thought of all the goods of this semester. I envisioned Charleston strolls, farmers markets, chai lattes and late night chats. I pictured lunches at Persimmon Cafe, dance parties and laughter. I had so much laughter, so many moments of pure joy that radiated through my heart and soul. I have people to hug, snuggle and tell the server at the restaurant that I am gluten free before I have to ask. I have been given amazing friends to love, and to take care of me in unexpected ways. I am so undeserving of God’s timing and I am overjoyed to have finished the semester with my new peeps.
The last few minutes of surviving todays appointment was courtesy of my loved ones in Charleston, thank you for the memories and the thoughts that can get me through any pain. I am so thankful.
This shirt is my heart and soul. It is so fun to look at!
Tiptoe on the window.
Mumu top and Jeans found at iiBrunettes